You Can Help Name the Baby!

Toto - nomi  |  Picking baby girl names

These are not names rejected by April & Jeff
But that doesn't mean you can suggest them.

April Mullins and her husband Jeff have a problem. It’s their daughter. Their unborn daughter. Oh, it isn’t a physical problem. She’s perfectly healthy.

She just doesn’t have a given name.

She’s due in a few weeks and the Mullins family can’t decide on a name. And they don’t want to go the “Baby Girl Mullins” route. That’s so 1960s.

Nor will the Florida State Department of Naming Your Baby allow them to use a blank.

Those of you who have yet to parent, don’t scoff. It isn’t easy to name your baby. Whatever you decide will backfire. Give her an odd name so she’ll be unique and she’ll cry at 16 that everyone mispells her name. Call her Emma and she’ll constantly lose her coat to one of the other three Emmas in her class.

I speak from experience. For my first daughter, I constructed a list of names, cross-checked it against serial killers, bankers and persons who put mayo on their fries. I showed the list to children and badgered them into making up silly-rhyming, but cruel nicknames. Syllables were counted. Foreign language dictionaries were consulted to ensure my child would not hear snickering every time she or he was called to the hostel phone. Over nine months, names were added to the list, removed and restored. As it was the 80s, I even wrote a program to print every combination of the 40 names in the “Final Top Ten.”

As the due date arrived, I panicked. I announced the baby would choose his or her own name based on when he or she be born. Name A would be used if the birth minute was odd. Name B for an even number minute.

To this day she tells me both names were boring choices. She complains everyone misspells her middle name and that half the girls in her class have her first name. The other half have the other choice.

I relate that sad piece of my family history to provide a little explanation to the readers who haven’t been through the process. Those readers who can’t understand how April and Jeff could spend months looking through baby name books, web sites and 18th century Belgian romance novels* and still not find a name for their daughter.

The Mullins are at the end of their rope. They’re desperate to find a name they love. So desperate they’ve accepted my proposal.

Let the readers of Lakeland Local suggest names.

Yes, you.

Don’t scoff. You’re qualified. You can read. You have excellent taste. You’re bright, inventive, and doggonit, people like you!

So, name that baby!

There are rules. There have to be rules.

1) No “unusual” spelling.
2) One single first name.
3) Her middle and last name will by “Ann Mullins” so don’t suggest “Ann” or “Mullins.” That would just be silly.
4) No gender-bending names. No matter how much you love your dear ol’ Uncle Charlie, you can’t name a girl Charles.
5) If your name is chosen, you won’t win anything, nor will you be expected to show up at Mullins family reunions.

Now, put on your thinking caps. Have a shot of tequilla. Meditate and autowrite…just come up with a name.

(* – It’s a completely untrue rumor that they consulted 18th Century Belgian romance novels.)

13 thoughts on “You Can Help Name the Baby!

  1. Charlotte Ann Mullins
    Cadence Ann Mullins
    Paige Ann Mullins

    I might come back with more… but I’m really liking Cadence Ann right now.

  2. Oh goody! I like this contest and here’s why: My middle daughter is expecting in November and I am making a deliberate and concerted effort to NOT be involved in the naming of said child or to express anything but a positive opinion about whatever they pick for a name. So, I can give you all the fruits of my creativity for absolutely no emotional fallout between us! Awesome! So here are my contributions (minus two that were included above – Amelia and Paige):

    Teagan Ann Mullins (sometimes spelled Tegan)
    Libby (Elizabeth) Ann Mullins
    Talia Ann Mullins (or Thalia)

  3. Isabelle
    Joelle
    Eleanore
    Rose or Rosalie

    And there is nothing wrong with eating fries with real mayo. That’s the way they should be eaten.

  4. Come on people, some of those names are really crazy and that poor child will have a tough time when she grows up. How about:
    Catherine Ann

    • Rebecca is my mom’s name. We’re already using her middle and Jeff’s mom’s first as the middle name. We are really thinking of something more unconventional. Jeff is a teacher and associates almost every name in the book with a student. I’ve been thinking of Sunday lately and I like the ring to it. We are still open to suggestions. I can’t believe we went through 50,000 names and came up with nada.

      • Well, if you are going the unconventional route, consider the names of butterflies and flowers, latin or common. 
        Fritillary
        Aster
        Alocasia
        Asimina
        Canna
        Dianella
        Iris
        Liatris
        Osmunda
        Salvia
        Zamia

        The inclusion of any name on this list should not be construed as an endorsement. I’m just throwing them out there to be silly. Sort of. Although I do like Iris. Sunday doesn’t do much for me, but I’m not the one who will have to yell “Sunday, make you bed!” I can picture all sorts of “Who’s on first?” style jokes with that. Sunday, make your bed. OK. So why aren’t you making it? Because it’s not Sunday. 

      • Well, if you are going the unconventional route, consider the names of butterflies and flowers, latin or common. 
        Fritillary
        Aster
        Alocasia
        Asimina
        Canna
        Dianella
        Iris
        Liatris
        Osmunda
        Salvia
        Zamia

        The inclusion of any name on this list should not be construed as an endorsement. I’m just throwing them out there to be silly. Sort of. Although I do like Iris. Sunday doesn’t do much for me, but I’m not the one who will have to yell “Sunday, make you bed!” I can picture all sorts of “Who’s on first?” style jokes with that. Sunday, make your bed. OK. So why aren’t you making it? Because it’s not Sunday. 

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