I have no intention of weighing in on the neighborhood dispute between history’s greatest monster — an overaggressive atheist with MS — and the father-and-son hoop players next door. Good fences, etc.
But the apparent illegality of faking orgasm loudly enough to be heard outside your house leaves me with a couple of questions. What if history’s greatest monster was actually screaming in authentic passion? What if John is just that much man? Is the operative word in history’s greatest monster’s alleged crime “simulated” or “sex”?
Please Brad Copley, enlighten us here in Lakeland Local’s comments. Sorry to say, it’s probably not much of an issue in the Townsend household. But I think a number of our more adventurous and boisterous readers might find it a public service. Lacking Brad’s guidance, perhaps Kemp can offer his studied take.
I think once we resolve these pressing questions, we might start to ask ourselves how and why people in Polk County who pose minor annoyances to our rulers so often end up in jail in dubious, later dropped charges. See Randy Wilkinson, see Dewey Smith, see history’s greatest monster. You will notice that this spectrum of lawbreaker runs the gamut from Tea Party conservative to godlessness. Ideology is incidental to annoyance of power. In fact, if I rose to the level of minor annoyance — which I suspect do not — or had contentious neighbors — which I know do not — I might be worried about seeing the inside of John Stargel’s courtroom on business end of Brad Copley’s brand of justice. (Just in case, I often practice this phrase in front of the mirror: “No, you may not search my car.”)
We ought to note that John Stargel, who is a nice enough guy, was a big time Christian conservative Republican operative. He worked on the Bush-Gore recount on 2000, went on to become a legislator, and then slid right into a convenient judgeship. As is so often the case, membership has its privileges. His wife, Kelli Stargel, slid right into her own legislative seat not long afterward on the God ticket. She now wants to grade parents. I’m impressed with the restraint of John Ligouri, the lawyer for history’s greatest monster. If he were in the grandstanding mode, he might demand Judge Stargel recuse himself based on religious conflict of interest.
I remain unclear on how much involvement our good sheriff has on all this. But I hope this does not represent the creeping Arpaioism that a reasoned observer might infer.
In any event, I think the lesson here is clear: if you’re gonna publicly peeve our Christian/business/legal overlords, you better do it missionary, you better do it for real, and you better do it quietly.