• Approximate number of words devoted to the unraveling of a vitally important–but complicated–U.S. ally in the Persian Gulf region, with major implications for U.S. gas prices, our soldiers deployed in the region, and who-knows-what-else: 1,250
• Number of photos or graphic elements: 1
• Approximate number of words devoted to first person accounts of the muddy voyages of discovery by The Ledger’s managing editor and her husband: 1,300 (This does not count the additional 700 or so words in the entirely appropriate news feature of the same event.)
• Number of photos or graphic elements of the managing editor and/or her husband at the event: 3 of a total of 9.
Some absurdities defy parody.
Helpful suggestion to the managing editor: You should wait until you get the job before turning the paper into your personal yearbook.