Boy, have I been quite the chatty Kathy on here this week. I’ve been trying to pace myself and do just one post per day, but I feel compelled to write about this. I feel like I’ll be able to let go of my sadness once I get this particular post out of my system.
Today has been emotionally taxing. I lost a friend, Anthony Gilpin, on Saturday and attended his memorial service this afternoon. He died unexpectedly, and his death seems to have rocked my circle of journalist friends much harder than any of us would have anticipated.
I think his death has become a teaching moment to all of us on how we should treat each other. You see, Anthony was what I like to call an “odd duck.” He talked a lot. He was brilliant. Socially awkward. Unusual. His kindness was immeasurable. He was honest and thoughtful. And you didn’t have to speak to him long to figure out any of that.
People weren’t always kind to him, myself included. Sometimes people just weren’t in the mood, or didn’t have the time to carry on a conversation with him because they knew it wouldn’t be brief. It appeared that sometimes people flat out didn’t like him because he was different.
I imagine that there were many parties that Anthony didn’t get invited to. Many dinners that he ate alone. And I’m absolutely sick about it.
At today’s memorial service, I learned a lot about Anthony that I never knew, but here’s the thing that struck me the most: Anthony was loved. What’s so heartbreaking is that I fear he was loved more than he ever knew.
I found this statement on the Facebook wall of Mary Toothman, a former Ledger reporter, this week:
Mary Shawn Toothman asks her friends to be kind to the Anthonys in their lives – embrace their otherness, and include them when you can. We who have lost that chance would be grateful…
I’m sharing this story because we all have an Anthony in our lives. We all have someone who means well, yet irritates. We need to get over that and love that person for who they are. And for God’s sake, we need to tell them once in a while that they matter to us. Anthony mattered to us.
Anthony’s memorial service drove home this point to me today, as well as to many others in attendance. My prayer is that the “new” doesn’t wear off of this concept any time soon and that we make some changes in our lives to include those who aren’t often included.
I think Anthony would like that.
Bio: This is a creative outlet and soapbox for Lorrie Delk Walker where, at times, she has stuck her foot so far into her mouth, surely she has quashed any hopes of ever being elected to public office. Lorrie is a writer, avid recycler, small-time chicken farmer, SPCA foster parent and fan of all things Downtown Lakeland. Posts from Delk Walker's popular blog, Tales From the Delk Side, were added to the Lakeland Local archives and can be found here.
Ted Hoffman
10 months ago
That’s lovely, Lorrie. It was a gentle and warm memorial, as befits the man, but oh, if only he could have been there! We need to start a tradition of memorials for the living. The point to me — and I referred to this in my comments at the memorial — is that at times we’re ALL Anthony, all a bit awkward, a bit intrusive, a bit exasperating, a bit distracting or distracted … but not many of us are as sheerly bright, versatile and humane as Anthony was. It was marvelous to see you, and to hear the outpouring of appreciation for a man who was a fine, strange wine.
tom palmer
10 months ago
I guess listening to John Prine sing “Hello In There” might be appropriate.
Kim G.
10 months ago
I wonder if you know whether Anthony died from physical illness or if he took his own life? I ask this because he was described as the odd duck, and my not have felt like he fit in. Certainly your article is timely and compassionate regardless of the nature of his death. I am curious because we may not realize the effects we have on others, and that person’s emotional state could be sensitive enough to realize that they are not truly accepted. Thank you.
Lorrie Delk Walker
10 months ago
Kim, he died of a natural cause. You bring up a very good point, though. It’s yet another reason to be kind to others.
Mary Loftus
10 months ago
Lorrie: Well said. I worked at the Ledger when Anthony started, and I have known several journalists with his particular set of quirks … and talents. Perhaps due to their near-photographic memory for detail, they are drawn to the daily record of newspapers. Chuck made a brilliant soundtrack for his memorial, wish I could have been there. And, yes, I wish Anthony could have been, as well. And Tom, I always thought Prine meant that song just for older people, but I like the broader interpretation. I think The Ledger, in fact, probably provided him a community of which he felt very much a part, as it did for many of us over the years. Mary