Valentine’s Day came early for me this year and I can tell you this: the jewelry commercial is right when it says, “Every kiss begins with K.”
For me, that is “K” as in “Kel-Tec.”
Yes, gentle readers, my darling husband bought me a gun for Valentine’s Day. A Kel-Tec .380, to be exact. And he accompanied this token of his affection with these words: “Honey, this is the finest in purse weaponry.”
Ahhhh, say it again. Romance was in the air. The angels sang. Birds twittered. And then ducked for cover. Would-be burglars ran for the hills. And that damn barking dog next door sensed that something was up and he got a little quieter. Well, for a minute.
This Valentine’s Day, Cupid has nothing on me. My gun can out-shoot his arrow without a doubt. I know. I’ve already fired about 40 rounds of ammunition through it at the Tenoroc shooting range.
I will admit that this definitely is not the kind of handgun you want to target shoot with. It will beat your hand to death if you shoot 40 rounds of ammo through it in 20 minutes. The muscles in my forearm and hand are still feeling the punch this pistol packs.
But I say that’s a small price to pay. After all, we’re talking about having the finest in purse weaponry.
Hey, I wonder how accurate my new gift might be at 86ing that pesky Rev. Jay Dennis Heterosexual Divorce Time Tracker that keeps showing up on this site?*
*I’m just talking about the Time Tracker itself, Y’all. I would never dream of shooting Billy. Lighten up.
photo credit: robertnelson
Bio: This is a creative outlet and soapbox for Lorrie Delk Walker where, at times, she has stuck her foot so far into her mouth, surely she has quashed any hopes of ever being elected to public office. Lorrie is a writer, avid recycler, small-time chicken farmer, SPCA foster parent and fan of all things Downtown Lakeland. Posts from Delk Walker's popular blog, Tales From the Delk Side, were added to the Lakeland Local archives and can be found here.
Mark L Fritz
1 year ago
Very nice article Mrs Delk. You must have one fine husband to care so much as to get you a weapon instead of some damn stinky flowers or a heart clogging box of chocolates. I myself own a very similar weapon and I do believe that if all the law biding citizens in this county would carry one, it would be a much better place to live.
Billy
1 year ago
Come on, you know you want to off me. For the record, I take the second amendment as seriously as the others. Props to your man for finding the perfect gift. I hope this is fair warning to any dudes on boats who have too much to drink and decide to get frisky.
Billy
1 year ago
PS: No one can call us boring.
Kevin
1 year ago
Rev. Jay Dennis Heterosexual Divorce Time Tracker?!?! What on earth is that?
Jennifer S
1 year ago
My husband bought me the same gun for Christmas several years ago! Unfortunately, I stopped carrying it regularly when I became a school teacher (couldn’t even have it in my locked glove box!) and have not gotten into the habit of putting it in my diaper bag (something about that just doesn’t seem right!).
Nate
1 year ago
Nothing says romance like a smoking gun!
Wow, and I thought my valentines day gift was unique…turns out my wife’s request for Car and Driver Magazine isn’t all that wild.
Lorrie Delk Walker
1 year ago
Kevin, you will have to look at Billy’s latest blog post to understand the comment.
Gentle Reader
1 year ago
Lorrie, Your Mama must be so proud you found such a loving protective husband.
You may be a Redneck if….seems to me you have told gun gift stories about yourself and your family before.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Y’all
Donkeyrock
1 year ago
I got the Kel-Tec 9 milli in ’98. Damn thing has a trigger pull made for people who crush walnuts with their hands and the slide cuts my hand up.
Now, my Glock 17… preciousss, my preciousssssssss….
Gentle Reader
1 year ago
Donkeyrock, any competent gunsmith can quickly adjust the trigger pull “weight” (amount of pressure required); as well as advise you on the slide thing. That, likely, is in how you grip the pistol. My sister-in-law has the same trouble, and certain models seem notorious for that.
Donkeyrock
1 year ago
GR,
You’re right, I should visit a good gunsmith. And I do know it was my hand placement that made the slide cut my hand, it was just more comfortable to hold in that position until WHAMO owowowowowowow :>